Played out my 14 song yesterday 😛 .It was really fun and there is always a new challenge for me. I never know how my senses are the days that I shall record but it has gone well so far. Sometimes I have good focus and other times it takes a little longer for me to get it as I want it. But it is enough for most people. So it is with creativity and there is nothing that can completely control. Sometimes it will fully automatically, and sometimes it takes a little bit longer. Some days I can write a lot of music.
Other days, it can’t write a line of text. But that is the way it is and I like that it is so. I have very many thoughts about a lot and I have a good imagination. It helps me when I write my music and work is not a thing, then I try something else. I have an internal strong performance anxiety where I know how I want it to be. I struggle all the time to achieve the achievement that I have fixed. I know how I want it so I’m tough on myself. Know that the end result always makes me more than satisfied regarding my music.
Therefore, it is worth that I am tough on myself. I know exactly what I want and how hard I can push myself when it comes to the music. Sometimes so close I only of all things, and I get blocked in it as I do, and it can be about anything. But I’ve learned to deal with this in a good way so it will not be any big problems. I have good self-awareness and I’m not ashamed to tell other people when I become blocked in my senses. Those who know me see all the time that I am trying to in spite of everything. I am a person who needs a lot of time and repeated routines that suit me so therefore structure the I up the a good everyday. A weekday where I in a smart way all the time fix the small things that make everyday life simpler for to be able to constantly do it as I do. Adapt to the outside world as good as possible but also to be able to be yourself as much as I can 😛
I have not always liked myself as a person and how I have acted. I have acted wrong many times in pure frustation in that everything I did was wrong all the time. Finally, was there anything that was the only thing that I knew. It was something that became my false sense of security. When it was something that I actually did well so it felt like I was not worthy to be good. Then I acted wrong instead of that it was my false sense of security. This was not a healthy behavior and I drew to me the wrong kind of people. People who were like me, and I felt respected in all the chaos that constantly arose. It was like to be living death and to be totally outside the society in which I feel like a part of nowadays. I had to accept myself at the time and I had no choice. It was a hell to me, for I could not control myself. The road to the person I am today has not been easy but I’m very proud of the person I have become. I think about myself today and I know who I am.
Maybe I can’t explain in words who I am but I can tell you that I think about myself. My new I, I have not had in so many years, so it’s new to me. I know what I want and I know what I can do. I is also for me a mystery which I find very interesting and I love to be me.
Amazing to get to experience it as I do with everything today. I am so grateful that I never gave up. I am grateful for all the people who believe in me. 
Take Care Of Each Other
Many Hugs From MinikeGirl 😛
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