People are interesting and even though I am good at the different behavior and psychology so I can still be surprised. Today I have so much experience of life and I see the world in a completely different way than what I did when I was younger. I handle situations in a completely different way than what I did when I was younger. When I was younger so went everything out on that all the time to try to escape from myself, which not resulted in the good result for the moment. It was an interesting behavior that I had on a way because it was destructive but still functioning. I strove even then, after the life I have today. I never gave up but I continued always to fight forward no matter what happened. There are so many years that I have lived when I have, according to me, stuck in me at the same time as I all the time have been developed. I was happy when I was younger and I was very protected by the outside world. I could be happy in, not to do anything but just exist. I had my family and my grandmother and grandfather within easy reach every day. It was amazing to grow up like I did. I had close to family and friends. I was surrounded by the wonderful nature, the forest and all of the farm animals. A dog and cats and all the cows. Sometimes, we even had pigs. My childhood friends and I had big fun over the years. There is so much more to tell here but it takes me and tells me another time. My childhood was really good.
Life is life things happen that we can’t do anything about. It happens for all of us. After having lived in my security so forced even I to experience death and to slowly but surely start to lose my wall of my inner security. Had I known what I know today, had I lived differently, which neither had been good for I am happy today. When you lose people that you love over everything else so it will be chaos in your head of how prepared that you may be. I didn’t want to be the one who I was anymore and I didn’t want to be there all the time expected of me. It was expected of me that I would be like all the others. It was all the time all of these comparisons, in that she and he were so good and talented. I would curb my emotions instead of accepting that they were there. Feelings I have always had a lot of, and it has always felt like my emotional levels never really fit in with the outside world. At the same time that I began to lose my inner wall as I lost my grandfather when he died. Everything was torn and my happiness disappeared.
This was the beginning of my quest in trying to escape from myself, and no one noticed it really in the beginning and it took many years before I really got to unleash my inner demons. First it was the grief after my grandfather who I am today struggling to handle. I shed tears as I write this and it feels good for today, it is not sadness that I feel without it is something nice because I am spiritual and I have strong abilities. Everything ripped away from me and felt that it disappeared, just changed form. The void within me is no longer available.
I don’t go anywhere at funerals and I’d rather go not to the near relatives of the deceased graves. It is not my way to mourn, or to look at everything when it comes to death. For me, death is a transition and not permanent. I honor those who have died on my way. Everyone I know who has died I think, statistically, every other day, and I do so from the day they have died. I will do so until I die. I’m not just thinking of them, but I see and hear and talk with the many who have died. For me, it becomes therefore very strange to go at funerals and cemeteries. I respect all who find comfort in visiting their loved ones in cemeteries. We all need to get grieve and handle death in the way that works for us. Before I learned to control my abilities so it was chaos when I visited a church and cemetery. There were spirits everywhere who wanted to talk with me and accompany me home. It ended up that I had like two worlds in one world. I was born in the medial and I are a link between life and death. Today I have control of my abilities and none of the worlds takes over the other.
In spite of my strong abilities and my strong mediumship I am human with many emotions. So, even though I know how it is I will be heartbroken when someone dies. For it is then that all of my emotions explode in detail and it is then that the worlds between life and death opens. There is so much in circulation, and I feel everything so strongly. I get exhausted because I feel everyone’s sorrow and my own. I feel everyone’s sadness so strong in the church after a funeral that it takes a long time for me to collect myself. I feel the energy of the person who died.
I am happy today and I am proud of the person I have become. The person that I lost when I was younger and wanted to be. The person who I escaped from and the person that I have evolved to be today.
I will always have my Spiritual Tears but my soul can rest today and I can sleep at nights :
Never Gives Up !
Take Care Of Each Other
Many Hugs From MinikeGirl
